True Confessions of a Beauty Despot

Something that I already knew about myself, but of which I have become much more aware, is that I place a heavy value on aesthetics.  When it comes to my home, in particular.  When I moved here to Provo, I had lots of dreams on how I was going to decorate it.  And, my, how those dreams soared.  

So, I began to paint argyle on the mantle in the living room.  And I painted the kitchen yellow (to match my KitchenAid stand mixer, mind you).  I had a friend build me a drop-leaf table that is connected directly to the wall.  It will be covered with Scrabble boards and coated in a thick layer of epoxy as soon as I receive them.  My room will be a luxurious office, complete with Dead Sea Scroll replicas.  You have no idea, there is so much more.

And, I feel really, really good about all the effort, time and money it is taking to complete this project.

Enter the Maharajess.  She moved in about two months ago.  And since then, I have had a (mostly) internal battle on balancing my desire, my need for clean, modern, luxurious home aesthetics with someone who self-admittedly does not care about such things.  At all.  At times, I have failed–utterly failed–at making this house home to both of us.  I have felt really guilty about this fact.  I have tried to make it right and repent of my poor behavior.  At times (as with Christmas decorations), we have both been buoyed by our home's cheerful holiday decor.  For the most part, though, it continues to be somewhere in between, and I'm grateful that the Maharajess is willing to make it into a joke instead of getting upset. 

Take, for example, my absolute craziness over the fact that the Command hook that was placed on the back of the bathroom door for towels and bathrobes is 1) plastic (eeew!), 2) crooked and 3) not even close to being centered on the door.  ACK!  Every time–e.v.e.r.y. t.i.m.e.–I close that bathroom door, the evil twin inside me, Emmeline Jay, wants so badly to reposition it (or, truth be told, throw it in the trash).  The Maharajess thinks it's hilarious.  And I'm really grateful that's her response.  Because she could very easily become rightfully indignant and tell me to shut up.  But she doesn't, which is awesome.

So, I am constantly on a teeter-totter.  I will continue to make our home as beautiful and as functional as I can, but I will also continue to try to make our home our home.