That being said, I was particularly touched by President Uchtdorf's remarks this morning. I don't think that I have ever felt quite so understood and...cared for...by a General Authority. There are many quotes that undoubtedly will be pulled from his talk and become part of the Mormon working vernacular, and I don't intend to regurgitate them here. Before I launch into my thoughts, though, if you haven't had the chance to watch the Saturday morning session, feel free to view it below. President Uchtdorf's remarks begin around 1 hour, 11 minutes.
This talk is perhaps the best thing that I could have heard at the very moment that I did. Imagine this: I was sitting in the Harold B. Lee Library (still don't have the internet, folks), watching the session, taking notes on the remarks, setting up my Skype account, downloading podcasts and fretting about my ORCA grant application. And then on comes President Uchtdorf saying, "Lauren, what are you doing to yourself?" Feeling duly admonished, I stopped and began to focus on his remarks.
I didn't understand the broader significance and impact until later on in the evening. As I drove on the freeway watching the peach-colored sun lower onto the horizon behind the blue-grey silhouette of the mountains, I began to think about the recent changes in my life. I toyed with President Uchtdorf's words in my head, finally becoming cognizant of the fact that I haven't been particularly gentle with myself throughout my recent transition. I have had the go, go, go mentality so destructive to our fulfillment. And it isn't just that I've been overbooking myself.
Before I launch into a description of what I mean, I want to preface a bit. The very fabric of my being resonates with the truth that I am where I need to be, doing what I need to be doing. I have found great joy and peace here in Provo...but joy and peace are very different from being carefree and blithe. The barriers to that standard? I'm not unhappy by any means - in fact quite the opposite. Mostly, I am just exhausted with an exhaustion (shout out to paronomasia!) that goes much deeper than a few all-nighters.
So, here's what I learned from President Uchtdorf: I have failed to realize that the minutiae - the details that flesh out my life - are, at this moment in time, much more difficult than is normally the case. I haven't yet cemented the foundations of stability; I have no routine, with which I do so well. Even the small, insignificant building blocks of my new life are heavy and require much more effort. But, I have been speeding full-steam ahead acting as though I had been living this life for years, not weeks. When nothing is easy - when every action is weighty, even running errands - the human mind becomes exhausted much more thoroughly.
I'm determined to become more like that tree discussed at the onset of his remarks. I am going to put a hold my (metaphorical) horizontal and vertical growth until these roots I have been trying to plant grow a bit more deeply. I'll be more forgiving with myself when I feel as though I can't give any more to this day, and this task, and this people, and my own future.
But wait a second, what does this have to do with flying a plane?
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